Have you ever wondered if you really love someone? Quite complex as a question, isn’t it?
When Valentine’s Day arrives, that’s the kind of thing I ask myself, what do you want!
It is normal that as we age, at the rate of our experiences, our perceptions change. Remember your first boyfriend/girlfriend and remember how you felt around them.
The first relationships often rhyme with a dose of confidence and a mark of recognition. We think we are in love forever, and yet!
Questions and introspection
And then, you become a rational adult and you ask yourself too many questions…
Being eternal curious, I rarely leave my questions unanswered for long. All those hours of listening to TED talks can be useful! ( Psst!: For those interested, these conferences are so interesting and relevant).
Comparing yourself is sometimes the solution to many evils; it is by comparing ourselves that we come to understand and accept ourselves.
But in love, it’s impossible to compare yourself since it’s a feeling, a state of mind, so relative from one person to another.
To know if we are really in love, we must go through introspection. And beware, this introspection has its share of pitfalls. I say traps, but there is nothing very dangerous; you just have to be honest and listen to yourself.
Have you ever listened to a children’s show?
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(If not, your culture is sorely lacking!) Buckle up, we’re going on a journey to the heart of the brain, because yes, everything starts from there, even love!
The early butterflies
We know very well that at the start of a romantic relationship, it is euphoria and passion. We daydream, we get bored, everything is amplified… but is that being in love?
For some people yes, for others no. What you should know is that the brain at the start of a relationship activates more than 250 hormones and neurotransmitters.
Two of these hormones play a particularly important role: serotonin (responsible for regulating emotions) and dopamine (the pleasure hormone).
Serotonin decreases a lot, hence the feeling of being on a cloud! Dopamine increases dramatically since we do not want to lose the feeling of well-being and pleasure.
Several types of research and studies conclude that passionate love lasts between two and three years.
After this time, according to the sexologist Marie Veluire, the reality and the autonomy of each one slowly take over; dopamine decreases, and serotonin ends up playing its part.
But the fading passion does not necessarily make the feeling of love disappear! For many, the relationship is changing to establish itself on a more peaceful basis.
And the one responsible for this transformation from passion to deep love is oxytocin.
Being in love, much more than wanting and giving affection
Of course, affection is part of the relationship, but that’s not all that matters to you. The person you share these moments with, the person as an individual, intrigues you from head to toe.
Here are some little checkpoints that can help your introspection:
If you are still wondering how to know if you really love someone, here are some questions you should answer…
- When you think of him or her, is that a warm, positive consideration? Does he/she put a smile on your face?
- If something exciting was happening right now, would he/she be the first person you would call?
- Do you feel like you are able to be totally yourself right now? Without mask.
- Do you really want his happiness and take care of him/her?
- Tell yourself that the answers to these questions must be felt more in terms of frequencies than in terms of intensity.
Love does not appear overnight. Love is an accumulation of sensations, of micro-moments, which gradually form a strong and deep feeling.
By micro-moments I mean feeling pride and tenderness when he/she talks passionately about something, seeing what is happening in his/her chest
…when he/she brushes your face or passes it through your hair, it is a boundless consideration for the person he/she is now and the one he/she wants to become.
The trap: being in love with love
“Being in love with love” is experienced individually. The affection is there, but it lacks emotions, understanding.
We would like our partner to be in such a way, we do not face challenges/conflicts, in the same way, the future seems uncertain.
The situation is volatile, there are many ups and downs, and very intense. While the physical attraction is there and the chemistry kicks on, it takes more than hormones to make love last.
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Either way, each person makes their own definition of love. Everyone experiences love differently.
Final thoughts: If you want to know if you really love someone, listen to yourself and respect your limits. Love at the beginning is easy to create, the hardest part is to make it last.
Last update on 2021-09-20 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API